As my son ZW enters his teenage years, I celebrate who he is but I also think about all that I have learned these past 13 years.  This letter to a younger version of myself contains advice that I wish I had received.

Dear ZW’s Mom,

 As you look at your sweet little boy with the happy-go-lucky smile, I ask you to follow your instincts when you worry that his development is delayed as he gets older.  Pay attention to the fact that ZW never coordinates to crawl, that he will walk late and will begin to speak even later.  Notice the frustration with his inability to communicate well, his lag in hitting his milestones and the change in his behavior.  Don’t let others tell you “its just developmental” when he can’t learn the names of the letters or begin to connect the letters with their sounds. Don’t bother with the behavior/incentive charts.  They won’t work. 

 Don’t expect his school to identity a learning problem until ZW is two years behind his classmates and his self-esteem has been demolished.  Do not be satisfied with the Reading Specialist’s report that ZW is “making progress” because when you later (after testing at your own expense) tell her that he has been diagnosed as “dyslexic” she will respond that she thought so.   And please don’t wait until he utters the words, “I hate myself and wish I was never born” to seek a comprehensive evaluation of his learning style and needs.      

 Please ask the school in writing for a complete evaluation of ZW’s learning profile and needs.  Under federal law, a school must perform academic, psychological, speech/ language, and occupational therapy evaluations within 30 school days if requested by parents.  There then must be a TEAM meeting with the parents present to discuss the results and determine eligibility for specialized education.  Schools try to avoid performing this testing as it is costly and takes a lot of time.  Do not be content with just any educational program offered by the school.  Make sure the plan offered by the school is individualized to ZW’s needs and reasonably calculated to ensure that ZW makes effective progress. That is the law. Consider hiring an educational advocate to help you through this process.  Your law degree and experience as a litigator has not prepared you to fight this battle.

 Sincerely,

 Your Older, Wiser Self

 p.s.  Please know that once you get the right educational plan in place, your son will flourish.  By age 12 he will have read all of the Harry Potter books and that beautiful smile will be back on his face.