Tag Archives: parenting

A Mom’s Letter to herself: What I wish I had known

Dyslexia, learning disabilities, , ,

 

As my son ZW enters his teenage years, I celebrate who he is but I also think about all that I have learned these past 13 years.  This letter to a younger version of myself contains advice that I wish I had received.

Dear ZW’s Mom,

 As you look at your sweet little boy with the happy-go-lucky smile, I ask you to follow your instincts when you worry that his development is delayed as he gets older.  Pay attention to the fact that ZW never coordinates to crawl, that he will walk late and will begin to speak even later.  Notice the frustration with his inability to communicate well, his lag in hitting his milestones and the change in his behavior.  Don’t let others tell you “its just developmental” when he can’t learn the names of the letters or begin to connect the letters with their sounds. Don’t bother with the behavior/incentive charts.  They won’t work. 

 Don’t expect his school to identity a learning problem until ZW is two years behind his classmates and his self-esteem has been demolished.  Do not be satisfied with the Reading Specialist’s report that ZW is “making progress” because when you later (after testing at your own expense) tell her that he has been diagnosed as “dyslexic” she will respond that she thought so.   And please don’t wait until he utters the words, “I hate myself and wish I was never born” to seek a comprehensive evaluation of his learning style and needs.      

 Please ask the school in writing for a complete evaluation of ZW’s learning profile and needs.  Under federal law, a school must perform academic, psychological, speech/ language, and occupational therapy evaluations within 30 school days if requested by parents.  There then must be a TEAM meeting with the parents present to discuss the results and determine eligibility for specialized education.  Schools try to avoid performing this testing as it is costly and takes a lot of time.  Do not be content with just any educational program offered by the school.  Make sure the plan offered by the school is individualized to ZW’s needs and reasonably calculated to ensure that ZW makes effective progress. That is the law. Consider hiring an educational advocate to help you through this process.  Your law degree and experience as a litigator has not prepared you to fight this battle.

 Sincerely,

 Your Older, Wiser Self

 p.s.  Please know that once you get the right educational plan in place, your son will flourish.  By age 12 he will have read all of the Harry Potter books and that beautiful smile will be back on his face. 


 

Do you Know if your Child is Struggling in School?

Parent/School Communication, Struggling Students, , ,

I thought that I would magically know if my child were failing to keep up in school.  Their struggles would be easy to spot, like a fever or a cough.   In reality, it is deceptively hard to determine whether your child has an educational disability, especially during the elementary years when grading is purposely fuzzy and most struggling students are deemed “developmentally appropriate”.   It is up to parents to be vigilant and involved.

Parents looking for an honest, straightforward assessment of their child’s strengths and weaknesses will be disappointed, even at the much anticipated parent-teacher conference.   A teacher’s concerns are often softly stated or stated in a sort of code, to which parents are not privy.  Teachers will generally tell you all that your student can do well (“has an original point of view”, “has lots of energy”) and minimize your child’s deficits.  Instead of telling a parent that a student talks too much and is impulsive and disruptive, a teacher may say the student is “very social.”  Instead of telling a parent that a student has not met the grade-level expectations, a teacher may say the student has “improved” and that the skills are “developing” or “progressing.”  It is not surprising, then, that parents are often blindsided when it seems that their child “suddenly” is performing poorly in school.

The following are some tips to ensure that you have an accurate picture of your child’s performance in school.

  1. Volunteer in your child’s classroom, at recess, on field trip and other events.  Nothing helps like being in the classroom and watching firsthand your child in his classroom or with her peers.   By participating in a weekly reading program in my child’s classroom, I was able to witness firsthand my son’s lack of progress in reading as compared to his peers.  This directly led to our discovery that he was dyslexic.
  2. Communicate with your child’s teacher in their preferred manner.  Some of my children’s teachers have requested that I email, others prefer phone messages or notes.  Communication should be respectful and appreciative of the teacher’s experience and authority, but parents should clearly (and preferably in writing) state their concerns about their child and expect a timely (within 72 hours) response back.   If your child’s teacher is repeatedly unresponsive, contact the principal or vice-principal regarding your concerns and efforts to communicate.  Do not give up if you are initially met with a lack of responsiveness.  Be persistent but respectful.
  3. Self-educate on your state’s Curriculum Standards for your child’s grade level.  Each state sets forth curriculum standards in each academic subject for each grade.  These standards may be found on the school district’s website and will be on your state’s Department of Education website.  Raise any of your child’s suspected deficits with his or her classroom teacher and in writing.
  4. Ask for data regarding your child’s educational progress.  Schools engage in a great deal of testing of your child, but they often do not provide this information to parents.   Ask the classroom teacher for a list of assessments performed on your student each year, your child’s results, and the grade level “benchmarks”.  In my son’s case, I was told his reading was “progressing” during first grade.  When I asked the school for the underlying data on him, I found out he had “progressed” only from a DRA level 3 to a 6 during the entire school year and that the grade level expectation was a 12.  To me, this was vital information.